While I had already wrote what I was going to blog about, something else compelled to share a victory of a disease that’s been going on in my life for as long as I can remeber. Even my mom said I had been doing it at an early age, I’ve seen video of it first hand. Promised my husband on our honeymoon that I would stop, yet I didnt. For I didn’t fully understand how much damage was going on mentally and physically. Today I can say I’ve overcome nail biting, picking and chewing. Let us discover what leads to this disease, how those who did it see it, and how you can overcome on your own terms.
For as long as I can remeber I’ve had issues with my nails, and I now wonder how it continued for 25+ years. Look up and resource on nail bitting and you’ll get pictures and topics on how it’s unhealty (our hands contact so many germs), can cause teeth damage and perhaps even nerve damage which can turn to carpel tunnel syndrome. See here’s the thing nail damage is also caused from anxiety, loneliness, embrassment and lots of self esteem issues. I’ll admit I have an outgoing personality, yet I’m really sensitive and introverted. Always a people pleaser who really wanted to fit it, even though I felt so alone. Not being able to deal with emotional issues unless there was a finger in my mouth or causing it damage from picking it. It’s like why in the hell has it taken me this long to control my emotional self and stop the psychical damage?
I wasn’t reticulated for my nail bitting but always felt embraced when people seen my hands or caught me in the act. If I was asked to stop, I’d sneak off to go find a place to damage alone. Some part of me got pleasure out of causing this pain to myself, because I would go untill there was nothing left but bloody numbs. People as lovely as they are would give all kinds of advice, try nail polish, hot sauce, or fake nails. Excuse me, that shit never worked at those times cause it would be going real well then I’d have some mental breakdown and there goes what nail bed I had, which in turn caused more frustration and anxieties. For 25+ years I struggled to grasp why I couldn’t stop, until it clicked I hold my own control and need to take hold to stop.
What would real nails look like or how would they feel? My amazing friends put together some interesting theories, along with my own research. If our hands are connected all the way up to the neck, the damage could go all the way up there. Which it did, was having terrible neck pain. So that’s when I would give fake nails one last try, and boy was it the last time. After having no nail bed the nails on my left hand were out on to tight, which caused my arm to go numb in the middle of the night. Painfully it was, that’s when I said enough damage and stop the embrassment. I stopped and everytime i thought about it, id take the thought or trigger and really think about whats going on and how to deal with. There were a few close calls yet i kept at it saying no and walking on. This happen several months ago and while I wanted to share then, I knew it would be best to wait untill I fully conquered this disease, which can be hereditary as well. My mother didn’t yet some other family members do. If you bite your nails, don’t be embrassed, try to discover what triggers you to do, then you can catch the behavior before you even look at your hand. I know how hard it is and honestly if you’ve done it as long as I heard there is an underlying issue either behavioral problems or some form of OCD. If you can ask for perfessional help if you can because when you work together instead alone the results can be astonishing. While I’ll encourage you to slow your process, it’s clear to see it took many, many years to overcome this dark disease. In closing never feel alone about doing it, give yourself the time and resource to overcome. If you have kicked this disease to the curb or feel like sharing your story, I’d be glad to talk about with you. I leave you with a picture of my hands today, let’s say four months into recovery.
My nails were done by my sister BobCat and phot taken by Destry Ray.
Penny Lane Hoops 